This post is part of our series on walking with God in suffering. Learn why we are focusing on suffering in the introduction to the series.
Have you ever felt abandoned by God? Perhaps you found yourself in a dark place, wounded, alone, without much hope and wondering if death would be better than life? I have felt all of these things. During childhood, I was sexually abused by family members, and given away as a sexual plaything to my father’s friends. His violent temper kept me silent, and the truth of my desperation would not be known by others until I moved away to college and tried to go on with life. I was now free of my parents' physical clutches but I still felt covered in darkness and deeply wounded by my parents’ brokenness and sin. Though the abuse stopped, I had been utterly betrayed by those who should have cared for and protected me. I was unsure that anyone was trustworthy, I carried deep shame that actually belonged to my parents, and my sense of self seemed inextricably linked to being a sex object to be used as others saw fit. My journey out of darkness was only just beginning.